Why Jason Does Everything For Icarus Witch:
-Matthew is too busy getting more tattoos and being a chick magnet.
-Steve and Quinn are too busy "getting to know each other" and "jamming." But why do they need a container of vaseline with them?
-Jere is too busy learning how to read. "Uuuhhh... D-U-R-M. Drum."
-Everyone knows that bassists are smart!

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1) The best insult around. The worst music around. No nu-metal bands are tolerable. They all suck. But it's good; it keeps those d-bags away from my music.

Kid A: Dude, want to go play 'Spot The Nu-Metal Kid'?
Kid B: Yeah...<walks into local mall> I win.

2) Whoever thinks they can make a new kind of metal, is wrong, Metal is defined AND ALIVE! Nu metal shouldn't even have the "METAL" tag on it, it's got NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with REAL METAL (ie. Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, Dark Angel, old Sepultura, Iron Maiden, Stratovarius, Manowar, Testament, et cetera...!) There's a lot of NEW (I mean NEW, RECENT) True Metal band out there, which are worth intelligent people's attention; examples are: Children of Bodom, Kalmah, Norther, Enforsaken, Arsis, etc.

Out with Nu Metal - it's abou money, true Metal is about music, having a good wine, fucking nice women, fun and having a laugh!

Nu Metal is for depressed teenagers and goth wannabes!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Hail Satan!

3) The down-tuned nu metal sound is simply absurd. The strings are down so low they are virtually hanging off the neck, leaving a woolly, indistinct barrage of black noise. QUIT TRYING TO BE SOMEONE. Only kick ass rock like Motley Crue's which the entire Dr. Feelgood set was tuned down to D for added power.
Samples, DJs, scratching, and all that lameness: Please! Is it rock or dance? Aside from the sheer lack of creativity involved in samples, the whole vibe of rock 'n' roll with its jamming and unpredictability is removed in a sea of computer-generated mechanical perfection. And while DJ-ing may be quite a skill (debate that elsewhere), to class DJs as musicians is pretty laughable. Anyway, all that stuff is just nauseating. AND their use of loops is simply down to bad musicianship. Losers.
Stupidity: If you asked me to describe any nu metal band in ten words, intelligent would not be one of them. Not would it be if you gave me 1000 words. This manifests itself in the lyrics, where Durst et al, too dense to think of anything to actually say, simply swear for four minutes in a time in a bid to persuade us that they are hard. It's not working, mate.
Melody vs. rap: One problem with guitars tuned sub-sonically low… no one can sing over them. Besides which, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park and co. couldn't carry, let alone write, a tune to save their lives. So instead they rap, all very well except that rap depends on a) clever lyrics and b) diverse instrumentation. So with the same beat and essentially same feel, structure, and sound to every song, it is fair to say that all nu metal is in fact one song.
Lack of stage presence: It always startles me how much the members of Stain'd have in common with The Thunderbirds in their on stage movements.
Manufactured: Rock & roll is about rebellion. It is about independence, freedom, and attitude. So a band that is controlled, nay, manufactured by the record company is surely against the spirit of rock & roll. Indeed, it is not unfair to point out that manufactured rock & roll is an oxymoron -- a CONTRADICTION IN TERMS. In other words, these complete idiots posing as rock & rollers are puppets to the industry, simply a cynical, money-making scam which the record companies create and we are supposed to follow like sheep. Then MTV play them relentlessly, selecting the bands that suit the MTV, politically-correct, plastic and unthreatening (to them) way, at the same time rejecting other artists putting out quality product… the record companies and MTV work together to tell you what to listen to. Are you going to let them do that?
FIBI (For Idiots By Idiots): No real comment necessary here (but here's one anyway) ever noticed the lame audiences nu metal attracts? And the way they dress

Nu Metal blows. Slipknot is one of them.

No, 13 masked jackasses who scream shit, from podunk Iowa aren't cool.

4) Pathetic music, wants to be a "new" and "fresh" form of metal, ruining the genre all together. Most nu metal bands couldn't name decent metal for shit, so they all claim their main influence is Black Sabbath and Pantera.

Nu Metal is fucking pathetic. Bands like Slipknot, Sevendust, Mudvayne, Mushroomhead, Nothingface, all pathetic.

5) The product of Roadrunner Records, MTV, and post-grunge. It involves teenage angst-based lyrics, simple downtuned guitars, and gimmicks to distract from the deficiencies of the music.

Papa Roach, Mudvayne, Linkin Park, Korn, Coal Chamber, Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, etc

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

Nu-metal sucks the dick of countless decease rhinos and horses as well as the asses of a billion red assed baboons while their taking a dump! Downtuned guitars, (c)rapping, turn tables and all that shit with terrible musicianship does not equal music.

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

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SIPPING VODKA.... 

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.  After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." 

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.  At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.  He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

 1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and The spook.

 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,".

 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

POWER METAL:
the protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escape from the dragon, saves the princess and make love in an enchanted forest

TRASH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, fight the dragon, saves the princess and fuck her

HEAVY METAL:
the protagonist arrives in a harley davidson bike, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fuck the princess

FOLK METAL:
the protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordeons, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon fell asleep (by all the dancing)....then he leaves....without the princess

VIKING METAL:
the protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cook and eat it, rape the princess to death, steal the castle and burn all the place before leave

DEATH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kill her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:
the protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impale it in the front of the castle.....then sodomize the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impale the unvirgen princess

GORE METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spread his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kill her....then he fucks the dead body, slash her belly and eat her guts.....then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burn the corpse and fuck it for the last time

DOOM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, see the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, then he gets depressed and commit suicide....the dragon eat his body and the princess as well...the end of the sad story

PROGRESIVE METAL:
the protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes....the dragon kills himself out of boredom.....the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the technics and tunes learned in the last year of the conservatory...the princess escape looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, the dragon laugh of the guy's appearance and let him enter.....he then steal the princess make-up and try to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 mintues and then leaves...

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.