A guy is travelling in the desert when he comes across a camel shop. He wants to buy a camel but does not have too much money. So the salesman says that this camel is very strong but it was raised by humans so you have to fuck it to make it move. The guy thinks to himself that the stupid arab must have meant to say flog, so he buys the camel. Surely enough the camel stops. When he flogs it the camel won't move and makes thrusting motions with its hips, so the guy figures nobody is around to see and if he doesn't the camel won't move farther, he decides to do what he has to do. After a few more times, when he's about to do his business, the camel shakes it's head, purses it's lips and makes sucking movements....

One day, Osama and one of his followers are travelling on a camel and pass through a town. They stop and he looks at the camel's ass. Somebody asks him what is he doing, so he says that about an hour back he heard somebody say "look at that camel with the two assholes on it"

Why is a camel called the desert ship?

Because it's filled with arab semen.

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

I turn ribbed condoms inside out for my pleasure.

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

Some Sex Is Good...More Is Better...Too Much Is Just About Right

A Magazine is a bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.

A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.

Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea how she'll be in bed.

A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

Never argue with a fool...he may be doing the same thing.

ArtifIcial Insemination is procreation without recreation.

Sorry if these offend anyone.

3 clergy men are on a sinking boat with a bunch of kids. There is a helecopter above them that can only take three people on it. So the Rabbi says "what about the children", the protestant says "screw em", the Catholic priest says "do we have enough time for that?"

The same rules apply when balancing on a rope between two cliffs and getting head from Roseanne Barr, never look down!!

Two Americans are coming back from Mexico. The husband asks the border police if he can bring in 350 lbs of honey and the guy says of course not. So the husband says "you heard him honey, get out".

16 yrs-old girl tells her mom,that her period is 2 weeks late.Her dad is very angry "Who was that son of a bitch who did this to you?"
The girl don't answer,just pick up the phone,and call someone. 30 minutes later,a brand-new Ferrari stops at the house,and an older guy in Armani suit and alligator shoes knocks on the door.They let him in,and he says "Sir,I'm very sorry,but please understand that in my situation,I can't marry to your daughter. But if she gives birth to a girl, I'll buy her 2 condos,a timeshare in Palm Beach,and I'll give her 500 grand every year. If she gives birth to a boy,I'll give her 2 of my best firms, I'll buy her a beautiful house,and I'll give her 500 grand a year. If she gives birth to twins, I'll buy her 2 beautiful houses,and I'll give her $1 million a year, But...if she would have a miscarriage...
At this point the girl's dad cuts him very madly, "Then you gonna knock her up again"!!!

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

If this story does not make you cry from laughing so hard, let me know and I will pray for you.  J
 
This is a story about a couple who have been happily married for many years.
 
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.  The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.  Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.  He told her he could not stop it and that it was perfectly natural.  She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out!!!
 
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!!
 
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep; she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
 
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.  The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!!!  After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
 
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
 
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
 
He said, "Honey, you were right.  All those years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".
 
"What do you mean?"
 
Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.
 
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!!!!

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.<