I have 3 short stories:  First one, my aunts husband had a heart attack 11 or 12 years ago and passed away after a brief coma.  She was devastated, of course, and came to stay with my parents for a while for companionship, etc.  I was home for the weekend or something (that part is fuzzy) and I was watching TV but getting bored because nothing was on.  My aunt came in looking to get her mind off things and asked if anything good was on.  I said nothing much but there is this movie called "Awakenings".  She then asked what it was about and without even thinking of who I was talking to I described the movie - it's about people that were in a coma for many years that finally wake to a whole new world.  I then immediately realized I should have kept my mouth shut as my aunt left the room and started crying.  I felt like complete shit....still do.

Second story, I was dating Amy (now the wife) and I happened to be taking care of my friends dogs and house while they were away for a week or so.  One night Amy and I were out and on the way back to the house I was watching we took a narrow, winding back road.  It was really dark and there are no street lights.  Out of nowhere a car came screaming up behind and decided to try to pass me (this is a 2 lane road so he went on the wrong side of the raod breifly).  I was pissed and couldn't beleive that someone would try to pass me in such dangerous conditions.  There was no way he could see if another car was coming even with lights on - there would be no time to react.  Even so I thought "F this" and sped up so he couldn't pass me.  Amy freaked out naturally because apparently she thought she was too young to die, and soon after I hit the brakes and let the other guy go.  I spent many hours afterwards trying to apologize for those few seconds of stupidity.

Third story is similar to the first although it was not dark out, but the sun was setting.  A guy tried to pass me on a winding 2 lane road and I felt slighted, so I sped up again.  We raced a little, and soon coming the other way was an 18 wheeler.  I hit the brakes and let the guy go.  Tothis day I shudder whenever I think of how stupid I was to not just let the guy pass me, and even more stupid to try to race him on such a road.

Anyone want to top those? 

One of the funniest ones, is by a bank. I got completely wasted at a friend's house (this happened when I was living in mid-town), and I passed by a pointing statue. I used to pass this all the time, and never really paid attention to it. Well, anyway, I was completely wasted (as I've said), and I saw this statue pointing. So I started saying "hey, you like to point at people, you rude mother fucker?". After arguing with the statue, and calling it rude for not responding to me, I started punching it repeatedly, until the friend I was walking with, finally pulled me away. I then said, "you're lucky he was here, because otherwise, I would have killed you". I remember it pretty clearly, despite how out of it I was.

EDIT: *Second story gave too much info, so I cut it out*

Normally, I'm a pretty nice, friendly and easy going drunk, though. In the latter situation, I only got about 12 hours of sleep in that week, and was going through some issues.

What you used to love now, you're gonna adore. With Charmin Ultra, less is more. Cha Cha Cha, Charmin.

 

Wipe ya ass, wash ya self.

The first time I ever got drunk I was at a Halloween party. I was "Safety Ninja". I was all in black like a normal ninja but I had a bunch of relector tape as a belt and headband, and I had neon glow in the dark throwing stars and ninja daggers because all black costumes are dangerous since cars can't see you. Anyhow... my two friends were mexican bandits and for some reason, someone had that famous cowboy duel song (I think it's from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly) so they put that song on and then my two friends were going to have a fake plastic gun shoot out. I started rolling around in the floor in between them going, "I'm a tumbleweed! I'm a tumbleweed!"

Another time I got really drunk and I had one of those hoodies on with the giant front uni-pocket. I put a glass bottle of vodka in there. I was outside with the bottle in my hoodie and I started running around for some reason, and I basically tripped and bellyflopped onto the grass, smashing the bottle inside my hoodie pocket. Then later that night I couldn't figure out how to use the keys to get into my house. I drunk dialed someone and tried to get them to help me figure it out but then I proceeded to fall asleep on the front porch while still on the phone with them. I woke up like 4 hours later on the front porch all dewey.

Then another time I got really drunk at a house party that was right by a golf course. I wandered off by myself and passed out somewhere on the golf course. Someone called me trying to find me and I had no idea where I was.

The ONLY time I got so drunk I don't remember anything about the night, I supposedly almost got my ass kicked. I guess I was just being all spazzy and some giant thug told me to shut the fuck up and I was just like, "No why don't you shut the fuck up?" and then some other guy that 'had my back' ran up and spit in that guy's face  and there was a throwdown while some of my other friends basically got me to the car and we left. I honestly have no recollection of any of that happening, but I heard crazy stuff from about 10 different people that were there.

The dumbest not-drunk thing I can think of was in second grade. A friend and I found this G.I. Joe on the playground so we took him over to the see-saws. One of us would put the toy on one side and then the other would slam down the other side and it would catapult the G.I. Joe though the air. Well... my friend was setting up the G.I. Joe on his side and I got antsy and slammed down my end... his end smashed into his face and seriously jacked up his grill. Right after it happened his mouth was bleeding crazy style and all I kept saying was, "dude, don't tell on me... please don't tell on me... pleeeaaasee." He could only eat applesauce and pudding for like a week because of that. I think he actually had to have mouth surgery on his gums. I still feel really horrible.

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Just last month I went to the Katatonia show with some friends.  I didn't eat dinner before I left, just a few crackers and we were on our way.  Once we got there, a guy who had practically been stalking me decided to become rude with my boyfriend.  Now, why he would want to do that, I have no idea, since my boyfriend is HUGE and kinda mean-looking, and this guy is about my height and very thin.  Maybe he had a death wish; I don't know.  Anyway, I digress.

Every time stalker guy walked past the table where my friends and I were sitting, he would flip Joe off behind his back and stomp off (he's also crazy...I forgot to mention that).  At one point in time, after I had come back to the table with a friend, stalker came over to Joe and said, "Next time you'd better fucking know where they're at," referring to me and my friend, since he had apprently asked him where we were.  It was complete stupidity. 

Well, by that point, I'd already had a drink or two.  Rum and Coke, to be exact.  Since I was feeling awkward and worried that somebody might get crazy that night, I continued to drink Rum and Cokes until I had a really good buzz going on.  By the time Scar Symmetry came on, I was so drunk I could barely stand.  I ran into a friend from Nebraska and drunkenly stumbled over him, apparently taking a picture with him at some point in time (which I do not remember at all).  I listened to a few Katatonia songs and then bolted for the bathroom, because I probably thought I was going to be sick, though I have no recollection of this.

I have no idea how long I was in the bathroom, and I was not aware anyone was in there with me (though looking back at it, I know that it was a public bathroom and I was not the only female there), but at some point in time I woke up from dozing off/passing out on the toilet seat and threw up all over the floor.  I then stood up and proceeded to puke in the toilet too, making a mess everywhere.  But, being the semi-clean person that I am, I cleaned the puke off of the floor and the toilet (well, what I could see of it, which was not much due to inebriation) and then heard my friend ask if I was alright.  One of the guys who worked at the bar had also been sent in there to see how I was doing, and I think he talked to me, but I don't remember it.

So finally, I felt a little better and we left the venue.  As we were walking out, stalker guy came zooming down the street, screaming obscenities and waving his fist at us, and nearly ran us all down.  I have no recollection of that, but I hear it was an exciting time.  We got back in the car for the ride home, and somewhere not far from the venue I realized I had to blow chunks again.  I couldn't get the window down, so I asked my buddy to roll it down for me, and as soon as it came down I blew chunks out the window and down the side of the car.  I also threw up in my hair at some point in time, but I don't know if it was when I was struggling with the window or when my friends were yelling, "Cops!  Jodi, pull your damn head back in the window!"

We made it back to town and I apparently crashed on my buddy's couch.  At some point in time during the night, I woke up and decided to drive myself home.  I don't remember that at all, but I woke up in my car, which was parked in my driveway, at 6:30 the next morning.  I was supposed to be at work at 8 that morning but didn't exactly make it.  I was messed up for about two days because of that.

The moral of the story?  Don't drink rum; you'll act like a retard and not remember it later.

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defeat is unspoken a grim propaganda the essence of war is victory itself.

craving blazing torches are yearning for his silhouette during he turns around to expound the grave decress.

the heaviest weapon for a mislead nation for domination.

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